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Opinion: LaSlavic Cheers to the last four years
By Michelle LaSlavic Staff columnist With this being the last article I’ll ever write for our wonderful newspaper, I can’t help but make it appropriate by being a bit sentimental. I’d like to commemorate this week’s column to the last four years that have forever changed my life, as well as many of you other seniors graduating in just a few weeks. When I came to college, and I’m sure some of you can relate, I thought I was already so mature and independent. Little did I know, I had a lot to learn about life. Freshman year, I had the mentality that I could just have fun forever. Don’t get me wrong, my academics were very important to me, but it wasn’t far and few that I might have chosen socializing over a whole night in studying. Knowing I had four years ahead of me, I didn’t feel it necessary to think about my future, start planning what I was going to do after and, instead, college was about making friends and pretty much doing whatever I wanted. Freshman year was the initial year where almost everyone found their group of friends and I don’t think anyone can argue, we were pretty cliquey. Who could blame us though? This whole college thing was new to us and we were scared to be completely open to new people and situations. As the years went on and we became a little bit more sure of ourselves, you could see people branching off and incorporating groups of friends together. You could see many people starting to work harder in their classes and being a bit more serious about their future plans. Finally, we are just weeks away from the end of our college career and it’s the strangest thing, but I feel like I have met more people outside playing volleyball in the last few weeks than I have in the last year. It may have taken a while, but I feel like so many people have finally just realized that the little things don’t matter anymore and it’s more important to enjoy the time we have left with one another. My advice to you lucky students that have one to three more years ahead of you: Take your school work seriously and start figuring out what you’re going to do later on so you can enjoy your senior year instead of stressing. Also, don’t hold yourself back from meeting new people and accepting new ideas; there are many interesting and fun people you could miss the opportunity of enjoying if you just seclude yourself to a small group. Don’t judge people too early or based on what you heard from someone else. And finally, don’t rush out of here or wish your days away too quickly because believe me, they will come fast enough on their own. To my fellow seniors, thank you for an amazing four years; they have been unreal and good luck in whatever it is you choose to do.
Play 'game' to keep relationship fresh?
By Michelle LaSlavic Staff columnist As the girls and I were enjoying a couple of quarter drafts at Plymouth the other night, our conversation started off reminiscing about the last three-plus years that have flown by but soon inevitably turned toward the subject of guys and relationships. As the table was mixed with both singles and non-singles, we were exchanging stories of dating gone wrong along with tips from the relationship game that had obviously worked for some. As we continued talking, one statement in particular caught my attention. One of my friends said something along the lines of, “You have to play games; guys don’t like girls that they can get easily. It’s all about the challenge, so you have to play the game if you want them to want you.” This got me thinking; when did being in a relationship with someone or trying to get someone to be in a relationship with you turn into a game? What happened to the good old fashioned he likes her, she likes him, so they date? Now there are rules such as how long you should wait before calling and pretend you’re busy the first few times you’re asked to hang out. All of these rules are put into action in an attempt to make the other person think that you are not that interested, which hopefully results in drawing them in even more. As much as I would like to deny that this is the case, and of course I know it’s not always the case, but this does happen quite often through my experiences. For whatever reason, people like to be chased. Whenever something is just given to you, it’s not as fulfilling as winning something challenging on your own. However, I’m not quite sure I agree that relationships should be so challenging. I know it’s good to keep things fresh and new once you’re in one, but I don’t think that starting one or staying in one should be so stressful or as painful as pulling out teeth.
Looks only go so far, then comes personality
By Michelle LaSlavic Staff columnist As I was on the elliptical today, I was pondering the subject of superficiality and relationships. Although I would never deny that one should be physically attracted to the person they are dating, that should never be the main factor for staying with someone. Over the years, I have experienced relationships and have seen friends be in relationships that start because of a physical attraction. After hanging out a few times, a number of things can happen; both people genuinely like each other, physically and because of the other’s personality, so they keep talking, the two stop seeing each other because their personalities don’t mesh together or they keep talking simply because of the physical attraction, regardless of whether or not they actually like the other’s personality. While at first the attractiveness of the other person may blind one to the reality that the relationship has no depth or meaning, eventually the lack of a genuine connection on a deeper level will cause one of the two to stray due to boredom. I feel that whenever a relationship has too much emphasis on looks, the factors that lead to loyalty and a feeling of commitment to one another never have the chance to develop. Although the person may still make you feel as though you have a fifth-grade crush, this relationship is more lustful than loving. If you are only with a person because of how they look, you might not really care about what they are doing or how they feel. Also, I feel that when a person is too into looks, they are likely to become obsessive or allow the other person to get away with way more than they should and end up being taken advantage of because the person knows they can get away with practically anything. This situation will result in an un-fulfilling relationship on either side; one person is being walked all over and the other is dating someone about whom they don’t genuinely care. As I mentioned earlier, I think that it’s important to be attracted to the person you are with, but once you realize that there is nothing more, looks are only going to get you so far before you realize it’s time to move on.
Cheating applies to more than intimate relationships
By Michelle LaSlavic Staff columnist My roommate was telling me about some of her class discussions from her marriage and family course the other day that I’ve been dwelling on since. She explained to me how they were talking about the realities of cheating on loved ones and forgiveness. The lesson learned, though, could be related to other situations beside relationships that we can relate to, so I thought I’d share. The idea they were talking about was how many people claim that if they were ever cheated on, even just once, they would never put up with it and leave their significant other. This proposal was then presented: If a person messes up, just once, and is truly sorry, is it worth quitting on everything you have over a few regretted moments? Say, for instance, Bob and Sally have been together for five years. While Bob is away on vacation, he makes a huge mistake and hooks up with another girl. He comes home and tells Sally, apologizes profusely and promises to never do it again. Some people might claim that Sally should break up with him and not give him a second chance but seriously, how can you justify leaving someone you’ve been with for that long over one mistake? Now, if the person has cheated multiple times or continues to do it, then come on, it’s time to hit the road, but this idea makes sense. If a person acknowledges that they have done wrong and know they won’t ever do it again, take the apology and move on. While listening to her explain this situation to me, I couldn’t help but relate it to friendships as well. I’ve seen firsthand decade-long friendships torn apart over one incident that the other deems unforgiveable. We are human, people make mistakes and sometimes you have to weigh out the two sides; I think it’s important to keep this concept in mind. As much as we may be tempted at first to deem an action too horrible to accept an apology, look at your past with that person; is it really worth giving up on everything you have?
Marriage not necessarily key for successful women
By Michelle LaSlavic Staff columnist As I walked into my apartment today, my roommate attacked me with a sarcastic smirk and some new information that sent me on a slight vent session. She informed me of some good luck that had just been bestowed on one of my exes in the job department. She informed me how I could have had all of my dreams come true and would never have had to work again had I made different decisions in my life. To that comment, I responded with "Why do I need a guy with a good job to get everything I’ve ever wanted?" Is our society really still that backward that we, deep down, still think that women need men to be financially secure? I am not trying to sound like a feminist who puts down guys or knocks down dreams of being a professional housewife, but seriously, I just spent close to four years of my life working my butt off so that when I graduate I could have a good job and be successful. I’m pretty sure my parents didn’t send me to school and pay thousands of dollars each year for me just to find a husband. I mean, I don’t think that they would mind that either, but it is not the only reason I am here. In this day and age, I thought we were growing away from the idea that women can’t support themselves. To be honest, and I know how it goes, "to each their own," but I can’t stand the idea of women going to college, dreaming of having a career and being successful just to blow it off and throw it all away because they want to get married. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to get married eventually, but not for one second do I ever think that I need to in order to get the things that I want in life. And, with all of the opportunities out there today, I don’t think any girl ever should.
Women complain chivalry is dead
By Michelle LaSlavic Staff columnist Some women complain that chivalry is dead; they say that men have lost the charm, the kindness and the compassion that was once prevalent in an era long ago. An era where menawrote women love letters, bought them flowers for no reason, gave them their lettermen’s jacket to wear and were proud of their girl. Although I don’t think anyone can really deny that many of these things aren’t done often today, I think that the blame on this occurrence has been placed on the wrong gender. Over the last century or so, women have fought strongly to be seen as equals to men; they want the same opportunities in the work place and don’t want to be stereotyped as housewives. Is it out there to think that this evolution of women as “equals” to men may have some correlation with the demise of chivalry? Think about it; women wanted to be seen as equals to men. Well, men don’t buy their buddies flowers or write them love letters, do they? Is it fair that women wanted to be seen as equals, but also wanted to choose in which areas? Don’t get me wrong, I think that men could definitely step it up a bit, but we have to be careful which way we are pointing our fingers. We wanted so badly to be treated as equals to men but when it happened, not exactly like we wanted, the complaining and the blaming began. Ladies, like they say, we can’t have our cake and eat it too.
American lifestyle needs speed bump
By Michelle LaSlavic Staff columnist A few weeks ago in one of my communication classes, we were discussing the changes in American culture over the last decade or two and how fast-paced lifestyles and packed schedules have become the norm of our everyday lives. Children no longer spend their time reading, playing outside or doing other kid activities. Instead they go from school, to after school programs, to
club meetings, to athletic It seems parents have taken on the role as schedule coordinators and chauffeurs. This habit of constant running around then continues into high school and college. Students not only complete their school work, but also try
to juggle one or more jobs, join clubs, run for leadership positions, take on
internships and pack something into Once college is over, the habit is then transferred into the next generation of children as those people begin to have families of their own. It seems that our culture has become so obsessed with career success and progress that we now start preparing children at a ridiculously young age by enrolling them into programs that will benefit them in the future. What happened to the idea of just letting kids be kids and spending time with families? When I was brought up, yes, I had a busy schedule. It was busy with gymnastics practices, making dresses out of leaves, playing the role of a weatherwoman with my sisters in our makeshift news station and doing things with my family. My parents taught me values that I would need later on in life through their actions, and of course many long lectures, not by making me join the future leaders of America before I could walk. I think the worst practice in which our society can participate is to continue to force our youngest generation to start growing up too quickly. They are going to be burnt out by the time they are ready to begin their careers.
Beware double standards
By Michelle LaSlavic Staff columnist Over the last few months, while listening to countless friends vent, it seems like the infamous double standard has been creeping into quite a few relationships these days. No matter how hard we try to avoid this common problem, sometimes it is almost inevitable that one way or another, it will weasel its dirty ways into our lives. The biggest problem with the double standard is that when you’re on the inside, you don’t realize you’re doing it and don’t recognize how unfair or hypocritical you’re being. Us outsiders, as well as the victim, though, have a hard time dealing with this type of issue. For example, I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago, discussing our plans for spring break. She was debating whether or not to go on a trip that her boyfriend had asked her not to go on given the circumstances. When I asked if she would be OK with him going on such a trip if the roles were reversed, she responded with “absolutely not.” This took me by surprise because in my eyes, this debate had a simple solution considering how she answered my question; if you wouldn’t want your boyfriend or girlfriend to do something, don’t do it yourself. It’s like the old cliché saying goes, do unto others as you would want them to do unto you, or in this case, do not do. This double standard has even managed to stray away from just relationships and shine through friendships as well. I knew a girl who was having problems with her boyfriend’s fidelity, but as many girls often do, turned a blind eye to it and pretended like there had been no wrong doing. When one of her friends had the exact same problem, she condemned the friend for not breaking up with him when he had done the same exact thing as her own boyfriend had done. Again, being the outsider, she didn’t see how what she was saying was absolutely hypocritical to her very own actions. Why is it that it’s so much easier to tell someone else they are wrong for doing something that we are doing or have done ourselves? It’s always so much more convenient to point fingers and disagree with others actions than accepting that we, ourselves, are in the wrong too. I think that if you are going to tell someone else not to do something, or disagree with what they are saying or doing, make sure you’re not contradicting yourself and your own actions first.
As the old saying goes...
By Michelle LaSlavic Staff columnist As the old saying goes, "Time flies when you’re having fun." Seriously seniors, where has this year gone?! Not to start getting sentimental or reiterate what every professor, parent and job fair e-mail has been screaming in our faces, but winter finals are two weeks away, bringing us just a little over a term away from the big day. It’s about that time of year when the pressure to find a job or the anticipation to hear back from grad school seems to be a little overwhelming and the idea that we will never again be able to sleep in until noon is practically horrifying. Not to mention, I don’t think I’m quite ready to accept the fact that I will no longer get a week-and-a-half break from life every few months anymore. On top of that, whenever the question "So what are you doing after graduation?" pops up in conversation, which seems to be at least once every day, I can’t help but shudder with the very thought that these four years are three months away from being over. As exciting of a time as it is, I can’t help but get a little teary eyed over all the friends and memories that we have to leave behind. I know that there is so much to look forward to and that there will be plenty more amazing life experiences to come, but I feel like we all have grown up so much together since we came in four years ago, right out of high school, terrified of what college would be like; it’s going to be hard to say goodbye. I guess the only remedy I can suggest is try not to stress out too much, get your school work done early and have fun and enjoy these last months to the fullest.
Girls: Fight nicely, please
By Michelle LaSlavic Staff columnist We recently got on the topic of the differences between girl and guy friendships. I will be the first to admit it; there is nothing worse than when girls fight. For some reason, whenever girls argue, we attempt to involve as many of our other friends as possible. This creates more conflict because we all know that "That is not what happened at all and she made that up." This goes on for a few days until usually one gives in and apologizes, even though she is not the one to blame. Guys seem to handle conflicts entirely different. Sorry girls, guys just do not seem to worry about the ridiculous things about which we get mad. If a guy starts talking to the same girl that his friend was talking to, one might be mad for a while, but there is no blown-up argument that involves other guys. If my roommate started talking to the same guy I was or an ex-boyfriend, she knows that I would not be happy. "Ex-boyfriends are just off limits. That’s like the rules of feminism." Guys are different; they will get into a fist fight, beat the crap out of each other and then, five minutes later, "Hey, do you wanna go get something to eat?" The first time I saw that, I was baffled for 10 minutes as to how they were already even on speaking terms like one did not just give the other a black eye. Girls love to hold grudges. If something happened a year ago, it can be brought up in future arguments that is not even related. I have to say that us girls could learn a thing or two from the laid back guys.
It is OK not to be OK
By Michelle LaSlavic Staff columnist Over the last five months of my life, I have realized how differently people handle situations and sometimes it is okay to not always be okay. This past August, I had to do one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. As my sisters, my mom and I drove away from my dad for the last time before he had to leave for his first tour, I witnessed three completely different reactions to what the event. My older sister talked, trying to be the strong one, my younger sister sat there silently and my mom just sobbed. Trying to comfort my mom, my older sister said jokingly, “Now Mom, you are only allowed to cry on his birthday and holidays, otherwise you have to keep busy and be strong.” Why do people always try to be okay when they are not? Why is it that so many times you hear comments such as “You need to get over it” and “It is not a big deal, do not worry about it?” Everyone handles situations differently and I do not think that anyone has the right to judge the importance of a matter for someone else. If you experience something that makes you want to cry every day, that is perfectly fine. I had a friend from home whose father was tragically murdered this past summer. I asked him how he was doing. He responded with “I do not know how I am supposed to feel right now.” I do not think there is a person on this planet that has any say on how he is supposed to react to a tragedy like that. I am not saying that it is ok to sit in your room and do nothing but feel sorry for yourself, but you do not always have to be strong even if it is losing a game, getting a bad grade or getting into a fight with your friends or parents. There will never be a guideline as to how anyone is supposed to feel and sometimes it is okay to not be okay.
Save your heart by going on dates
By Michelle LaSlavic Staff columnist How many of you can say that you have a friend or friends who seem to be able to bounce in and out of being “in love” without a shedding a tear? You know the ones I’m talking about; the people who seem to have another person waiting for them the second they break up with their boyfriend or girlfriend. It is as if they have a new prospect lined up and waiting before the current relationship is even over. One minute they are completely in love with one person, and the next minute they have a date on Wednesday and you still have not even heard all the details about the breakup. Some may frown upon this habit, but if you think about it, they might have a smart thing going. Call me immature, but I think that it is so much easier to get over a broken heart when there is someone else to distract you and get your mind off of it. Breakups are always hard but what is worse is when you find yourself alone, thinking about it and thinking you might never find someone else. I can’t explain it, but whenever you know that there is someone else out there that can make you happy too, the breakup isn’t half as bad. Now I’m sure this might apply a little more to girls than guys because guys, and please take no offense, but you seem to be way better at getting over relationships than girls, but I am sure some of you can probably relate. Nonetheless, these people may use the term “love” a little too loosely but when it comes down to it, who is the one with a date on Friday night and who is the one sitting at home feeling sorry for themselves?
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