I had a conversation with somebody on Sunday about politics, which means to say he talked to me and I listened with eyes glazed over.
The only time my TV is regularly turned on is during Pens and Pirates games, and I probably haven’t watched the news in five years.
Without rambling on about my preferences in television programming, suffice it to say I have a better grasp on the NHL and MLB than the outside world at large.
Of all sections of the Merciad, the Sports section is probably the least important.Don’t get me wrong, I just said I love sports more than health care legislation or friendship commitments (don’t try to take me away from a TV during the NHL playoffs).
However, in relation to genocide and human rights, worrying about how the Pens’ PK will survive without Jordan Staal seems kind of trivial.
I’ve just outsourced my own job – I’m a sports columnist telling you that sports don’t matter.
In the grand scheme of things, the world sucks, and the news is more depressing than the Pirates’ pitching staff (hide the kids!).
At the end of the day, I need a pick-me-up, and it’s easier to turn on the boob tube and catch the game.
Joking aside, sports provide an escape where we can be armchair GM’s and enjoy a couples hours away from the rigors of the real world.
This being my last column, I feel the need to render a sweeping, overarching magnum opus to summarize my year’s worth of nonsense the Merciad has somehow allowed to be printed.
I invite you to pick a sports team and follow them for a season.
You’ll learn strategy, immediately bond with someone you meet who likes the same team, and fight with fans of other teams.
Regardless of the sport or team you choose, you’re guaranteed to leave feeling better about the world than when you started except when your stupid team can’t score and the overpaid idiots lose a ridiculous game to a garbage team that isn’t half as good as they are.
On second thought, what channel is the news on?