In today’s culture, there is certainly no shortage of things to worry about. ISIS… Ebola… My neighbor Tobey’s approval (why don’t you like me, Tobey?).
However, a relatively new thing to worry about, and one that does not seem interested in fading away quickly, is interacting with people who support Donald Trump for president.
Yes, it is true. They are out there. On the Internet. Driving around on Peach Street. Getting their orders messed up at Wendy’s. One might even be behind you right now as you are reading this, breathing.
The task of dealing with Trump supporters may seem daunting at first, but just hang in there. I know you can get through it, because I’ve been watching you secretly for many years. Below are a few quick tips to serve as a guideline for interacting with people who actually, without irony, seriously, no kidding, want to see Trump sitting in the Oval Office.
Tip 1: Be polite: Trump supporters are people, too, and you should treat all people with respect, no matter their political beliefs. Therefore, it’s important to be courteous and not mention any foam that may be seeping from their mouths.
Tip 2: Dress comfortably: Trump supporters may disagree with you on many things that pertain to reality, but they do not necessarily want you to be uncomfortable while they do so. Dressing comfortably also shows humility and keeps you agile in case you need to run.
Tip 3: Avoid social media: Trump supporters become agitated and unpredictable if they cannot see where you are, and on social media you could be anywhere, even a restaurant. Keep calm and delete all of your accounts (but tell your mother first so she does not become worried).
Tip 4: Water your plants: No matter who winds up in the White House, it is important to keep your plants healthy and teeming with life.
Tip 5: Do not try to find common ground: This is a common mistake that can result in everything from hurt feelings, to exile, to IBS. The best thing to do if engaged in a debate is lie down on the ground and attempt to convince the Trump supporter that you have died. If you are lucky, they will merely urinate on you and walk away.
Tip 6: Secretly vote for someone else: Taping a hardcover copy of The Art of the Deal to the side of your head will aid you in getting safely to the voting booth, where once inside you may proceed to vote for someone else.