Egan's new silverware tub

I usually like to be a passive person. I do not like to complain or cause a stir unless it’s defending Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones in an online chat room at 1 o’clock in the morning. Stop comparing it to the other Star Wars movies. Let it be its own thing. However, it is becoming increasingly apparent that Egan Dining Hall’s new dirty silverware tub, located next to the conveyor belt, is going to be a permanent feature at Mercyhurst. I have found this to be distressing.

Do not misunderstand; Egan has been very good to me. The staff is always extremely kind and encouraging. The food is consistently good, fills me, and often goes through me like a wild stallion. But after finishing a hearty meal, and walking to the accustomed dish conveyor belt, I am frightened by the prospect of placing my fork into a small, murky pool of my comrades’ saliva.

At first I thought I could grow to love it, as I’ve grown to love so many things at Egan… such as corn fritters. But sometimes when standing next to it, the grungy water splashes on my hand when people behind me place their spoons in too carelessly. And in those moments I realize that I will always be at odds with this tub. I do understand its purpose, for I am not a heartless man. I understand this mechanism makes it easier to keep track of forks, knives and spoons by keeping them all together for washing purposes.

I don’t want to make things harder for the good employees of Egan. If keeping the silverware grouped together makes life easier, then of course I am all for it.
But Good Lord, there must be another way! I only hope that this is not a permanent solution, and that a saving idea will come to light that will benefit all parties, and rid us of this tub, that, in its short existence, has already grown to encompass all of my childhood fears in one curious plastic bowl.